5 Anger Styles

You may know that there are various styles of communication that people use to express their feelings. Anger is a form of communicating one’s feelings that is harmful for relations and self.

But, still it may be surprising to learn that there are 5 styles of anger: Aggressive, Passive, Passive-Aggressive, Assertive, and Projective-Aggressive styles.

A person using the Aggressive style of anger often feels the need to be in control of themselves, other people, and situations. They do not take “No” for an answer and use hurt and/or anger to manipulate others into feeling guilty or backing down. They also use some patterns like humiliation, put-downs, complaints, threats, and abuse to get what they want.

A Passive anger style tend to want to avoid conflict and confrontation. These individuals do not tend to express their needs and feelings and have a difficult time saying “No” without feeling guilty. A passive anger style tries hard to avoid hurting others because it leads them to feel guilty. They also avoid making angry others so that they can avoid feeling uncomfortable and/or fearful.

People with a Passive-Aggressive anger style are not as outwardly aggressive towards others as the Aggressive style and they also do not want to avoid the conflict as with the Passive style. Instead, when they are mad, they want to get even and may use seduction and/or manipulation to get what they want. They are often nice to your face and use behind-the-back techniques to get even. They may use the silent treatment, withdraw their love/affection and/or attention, gossip, tattle, or refuse to cooperate. When asked what is wrong, they often say, “nothing,” even though their body language or behavior is clearly communicating that there is something wrong.

A person using a Projective-Aggressive anger style may appear as passive but they are not. They are usually pretty angry and are afraid to own and express their anger. Instead, they project their anger onto others and/or may get others to act out on their anger for them. They may say to you that you appear angry, when you are not.

Lastly, people using an Assertive anger style communicate their needs in a direct, open, and honest way and do not wait for others to read their mind. At the same time, they consider other people’s needs and feelings. They respect themselves and expect others to treat them with respect and dignity. They feel responsible for their own life and choices.

It is up to you how you react to other people and it is your responsibility to control your anger.

Based on the source